All posts tagged: sex

Ants, Porn and Stopping up the Gaps

As I watch yet another trail of ants wind its way along the windowsill, across the benchtop and into a cupboard, I wonder what God was thinking the day he made these tenacious critters. I understand their admirable qualities – the team spirit and industrious work ethic – but they’re not the descriptors that spring to mind as I’m washing their little black corpses off the sausages I left thawing on the bench. I am an ant-killer. Surface spray is my friend. I wipe those team-spirited, industrious ants with my mean, green dishcloth and flood out their syrupy lodgings with burning hot water. They have died in their hundreds, but still they return. I know what needs to be done. We need to find their entry point, and block it. But on a 1950s house, that’s no small feat! There are potentially more ways in than there are ants! Which is exactly the way I have felt about the nasties my children will face when they are old enough to “Google it”. Like the steady …

Would You Look At Photos of Your Mum Naked?

I saw Kim Kardashian in the flesh once, at the Melbourne airport. Didn’t realise it was her, to be honest. I was too excited about Johnny Depp wandering around in the newsagency. A friend and I were stalking him, whispering behind hands and rummaging in handbags for something he could autograph. That was until a stranger pointed out that our celebrity radar was seriously confused and the reason for the throng of attention was none other than Kim Kardashian. The Johnny Depp lookalike was one of her entourage! Let down of the century. We left the Johnny Depp impersonator in the newsagency (he had the suave glasses, the goatee, the mysterious smile – the whole look!) and returned to our husbands, red-faced. They were laughing their guts out, of course. We won’t live that one down in a hurry. Yup, I saw Kim in the flesh but I guarantee that most internet users will have seen much more of her flesh than I have after her sensationalised nude photo shoot went viral last week. Blogger …

Beauty is More than a Sexy Selfie

I think we all know someone with a selfie obsession. They post photos of themselves on various social media sites in different mundane situations expecting us to like, share, favourite, retweet and even comment on such humdrum proclamations as: “New lipstick!” (photo: lips pouting, eyes bulging like a Bratz doll). “Having a fat day” (photo: sad face, skinny jeans proffering a lean little bum). “Lunch!” (photo: a smoothie, ‘nuff said). Er, why? Why oh why oh why do people waste their precious moments on this? I shall pause briefly here to accommodate the decreasing percentage of the populace who have not caught up with the social media craze (c’mon dad, it’s about time!) A ‘selfie’ is “a slang term used to describe a photo that is taken of oneself for the purpose of uploading it to social networking sites and image sharing websites… To take a selfie, the right or left arm is extended with the camera held backwards.” (webopedia.com) All us social media users are prone to the occasional selfie but it’s worth pondering the why …